What do you do when you feel all alone? Although it can be difficult to reach out for connection, making a plan for self-fulfillment will not only take the edge off those lonely feelings, it could very well set you on a path to feeling part of the world again. Read on to learn more...
Undoubtedly, we are seeing an increase in loneliness since the start of the pandemic, due to isolation and restrictions, but also as a result of the big disconnect many of us feel in our current social chaos.
Whether you're experiencing loneliness as a result of these major changes, or you've had these feelings for a while, there's a lot you can do to begin on a new path. Start by identifying the things that bring you the greatest joy, whether it’s singing, listening to a well-crafted playlist, creating art, writing, beautifying your surroundings, knitting etc. Think of the things you used to like and no longer make time for. Feeding your soul is number one when it comes to filling that void that feeds loneliness. While self-entertainment doesn’t replace the company of a good friend, the joy you create within accounts for almost all of personal fulfilment. It’s a state of mind and, most certainly, a state of the heart.
Next, think about all the other lonely people out there. You are indeed not alone because the world is filled with other people also asking the question “what to do when you feel all alone?” What can you do extend yourself to others in need? Giving that which you most wish to receive is the best cure for loneliness because it takes you out of your own suffering and connects you with compassion and empathy. It also occupies your time by putting a solution into practice. A practice that will turn ruminating into positive action.
To further explore how you can implement practice into your daily doings, read the 5 best practices for when you feel all alone:
What to Do When You Feel All Alone
5 Best Practices to Shift Loneliness into Personal Fulfillment
Acknowledge But Don’t Reaffirm - It’s good to be mindful of when you feel all alone. Some people never admit to feeling lonely and even go to great lengths to hide their feelings, even from themselves. Identifying your feelings is all part of creating a life of awareness and purpose, but often this awareness can make its way to rumination. That’s where we start to piggyback our emotions and soon find they morph into a dreaded state of woe.
When you feel all alone, it’s a signal that you’re not giving yourself what you most need. Although, actually spending too much time on your own can be a likely cause of loneliness, many people create loneliness even when they are surrounded by people. If this is you, then you know that the loneliness is created within. It is a feeling of perpetual loneliness and it needs careful tending. Acknowledge when you feel all alone, but don’t double dip. Spending too much time pondering this state of loneliness magnetically draws more loneliness unto itself.
Give that which You Most Need - As a way of breaking the loneliness habit, you can shift your focus from what’s going on inside to offering support to those who need it. This could be volunteering for a telephone support line for the elderly, offering services to those in need, or reaching out to people just to see how they’re doing. If you can’t see people in person, use your phone or your computer. There is no greater remedy for loneliness than extending your heart to others and exercising your compassionate muscles.
Join Groups - There are many community groups online and off. If you’re not able to meet with people in person, you can find groups that meet through Zoom, or in Facebook groups. These groups don’t necessarily have to be emotionally focused support groups, they can be interest groups for any topic you love such as birdwatching, knitting, small business, etching, poetry etc. The ideas are endless.
If you want to see people in person, you can consider indoor gatherings or outdoor groups such as walking groups or tai chi in the park. The point is to actively seek connection. When you feel all alone it can be overwhelming and sometimes difficult to be around others if that feeling runs deep. Sometimes it can seem even more lonely to join in with others until you create that feeling of inclusion, so start small and set your expectations beforehand. We’ll cover this one next.
Start Small and Set Reasonable Expectations - I know what it feels like to be so hungry for human connection that being in groups can cause more intense feelings of loneliness to surface. It seems that when you feel all alone, this sort of acts as a radar sent out into the atmosphere which can almost be like a repellant. Give yourself a little space to grow into your new vision for connection. You can do this by getting clear on your expectations.
Have a goal before meeting with new people. For example, make your goal easy to fulfill by not setting yourself up with too many expectations such as the need to be welcomed or formally acknowledged by others. Remember that other people have their own needs and insecurities. Rather than leading with what you need, try offering it instead. Show your gratitude for being a part of the group and ask easy questions such as “how long have you been with this group?”
Offer compliments where it feels genuine and natural. Or, if that feels like too much, allow yourself to just be. There’s nothing wrong with being quiet and simply present. Absorb the atmosphere and let time blend in what needs to happen next. Perhaps setting expectations is just as much about what you expect from yourself as you might expect from others. It’s okay to just be a part of a group without pushing for anything to happen. That will naturally occur with the passage of time.
Feed Your Soul - When you feel all alone it can become a familiar cycle that's difficult to break. Although the goal is to fill that internal void, sometimes we become comfortable in the old familiar, albeit a painful experience. Remember that you do indeed deserve and want more and there is no better place to start than with the way in which you choose to presence yourself. This means that the quality of your internal state is given high priority.
Look for ways in which you currently deny yourself joy, be it spending time listening to music, cooking, reading books that fill your heart, or going out to see an art exhibit. Whatever it is that you love to do is precisely that which you must allow yourself to do. The more you can honor the callings of your heart, the greater the feeling of fulfillment. You can't expect to fill that void from the outside in, as it is a journey within.
To allow others to take that space in your heart, especially when you feel all alone, you must first give to yourself that which you also wish to share with others. Life will feel a whole less lonelier when you create that warmth from within.
Return from when you feel alone page to the Feelings page.